What is the Definition of Insanity? Parenting Food for Thought

According to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is:

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Here we are at the beginning of another school year. New teachers, new classrooms, and new chances- A fresh start! Are you hoping and even praying, that this year will different? That this will be the year that your mornings will somehow be easier; that you won’t have to be that nagging parent; that your child will appear each morning fully dressed ready to take on the day AND with a smile?!?!

You might get lucky and the stars may align. This very well may be the year your child shows increased responsibility, independence and motivation. WOOHOO if it is!

Or, you may find yourself in the same boat as you were in last year and years past.
Battling over homework, electronics, sassy attitudes, getting out of the house on time, going to bed….you get the picture. Does this sound familiar? Do you already have your dukes up waiting for the inevitable battle to begin?

There is nothing more frustrating to a parent than having to deal with behaviors that should be (at least from a parent’s point of view!) second nature to a child. How difficult is it really for kids to brush their teeth, put their shoes on, get to school on time, complete their homework or even walk away when their sibling is annoying them? Seriously- if our kids just did what we asked, when we asked and how we asked, wouldn’t life be grand?! But no…instead, our sweet little darlings complain, whine, talk back and challenge our every decision and before you know it….. BAM! The rush of adrenalin takes over…we end up yelling, punishing, threatening, lecturing, and whatever else that helps to release our pent up frustrations in those very moments. Then, when it is all over, what emotions are running through you? Guilt? Anger? Confusion?

So why do kids seem to fall into the insanity trap and behave the same way over and over only to end up in a battle with their parents? There are many reasons for this and honestly, unless I was going to write a book, there are too many to go into in this one post. However, since we cannot control what our kids do or how they behave, let’s shift the focus to whom we can control- OURSELVES!

Yes, your kids may have fallen into the insanity trap, but have you ever stopped to think if you have fallen into the same trap as well? You know the drill- the kids act up, your buttons get pushed and you react every time (which by the way is never a thoughtful or effective approach)  thus keeping you and your kids in the cycle of insanity.

Parents tell me every day that they wish it didn’t have to be this way. Well it CAN be different! You are the catalyst for change! Not your child, but you! Your change will elicit change from your child ending what very often feels like the never-ending daily battle.

Are you ready for change? Let’s get started:

1. Identify the frustrations you have with your child (getting out of the house on time, not listening, losing their cool, homework battles, etc.)
2. List the behaviors (be specific) that your child does to fuel your frustration (does not get out of bed on time, fights about getting homework done, talks back, won’t help with chores, walks away when spoken to, lies about brushing teeth, etc)
3. What do you do when these behaviors occur (yell, argue back, lecture, punish, take possessions away, etc.…) Be specific as possible.
4. Name one reaction (yours) that you know in your heart, does not help in solving the problem (hint: yelling, arguing back, lecturing, etc. will typically fuel a child’s behavior to grow in intensity)
5. Be honest – how long have these been your “go to methods” and with the same results?
6. What action(s) or response will you replace your reaction with?
7. Are you willing, ready and able for change?
8. Find an accountability partner.  Who will that be?

(If your answer to #5 is over and over then would it be safe to say that you have fallen into the trap of insanity?)

Parents tend to put an exorbitant amount of pressure on their children to be and act in certain ways. If you are seeking different results from your child, then you must be the change agent and begin acting differently yourself. It would be a magical world if your children would perform to your standards and expectations without any effort or change on your part. I often hear that if a child does not want the lecture, the fight, or the punishment then they should simply listen and do as they are told. Familiar, right?! Believe me…. I have been there and done that. IT DOES NOT WORK!!!

So what do you do when your child is being difficult? You have 2 choices- you can either choose to stoop to the child’s level and argue, whine, complain etc. as they do (and enter the world of insanity) or choose to push the pause button and take a deep breath, walk away (as long as safety is not involved), or delay your response in order to gain perspective over the situation. Cherry on top- you are modeling self-regulatory behaviors for your child of what can be done in moments of frustration and anger. What are you currently modeling?

If you are ready for change, want to have more peace in your daily routine and want this to be the year your child thrives, take the change challenge beginning with following the 8 steps above.  Remember- your behavior and your energy directly affect that of your child!

Have You Laughed With Your Kids Today?

Sharon