Do you ever feel there is just not enough time in a day? That you run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to accomplish everything on your to-do list ALL while trying to raise responsible, respectful, thoughtful, entitled free kids?
Like so many well-intentioned parents, you may be carrying more weight on your shoulders and actually doing more than necessary. Have you ever thought to consider what you are taking responsibility for that is truly the responsibility of your children?
We all want to raise kids that are dependable and trustworthy but the more you do for your children the less they will be able to learn to do for themselves. And the less they do for themselves the less likely they will have the opportunity to grow in responsibility and the more likely their self-esteem will suffer. Research also indicates that children who have too much done for them also tend to be less thoughtful as well as feel and act more entitled.
Yikes! So how can this cycle be broken?
CHORES! Yes, this word alone can make anyone cringe but having our children contribute to household responsibilities is the single most effective area to begin to raise thriving, responsible children with great character.
Cherry on top- you will lessen the weight of the burdens you carry and gain more time in your day.
Imagine if you had an extra 30 minutes per day. What does that look like and feel like to you?
This is where the MAGIC happens.
Creating an environment where accomplishing chores is seen as helpful, appreciated, and as a learning tool, will help to meet your child’s most important basic emotional needs.
Your children need:
- To be needed
- To belong
- To feel valued
- To have a healthy self-esteem
And when your kids needs are met, they will be more cooperative, more respectful, more loving and will then be able to thrive!
But perhaps you are thinking that you really don’t mind doing all that you do? Or you are saying, “I do it all because I get it done faster and I get it done MY WAY!” (not that you like to be in control. ). Just keep in mind that everything you do and say sends loud and powerful messages to your children. I wonder what messages your children are receiving?
Chores are probably not at the top of your kid’s fun list (or yours for that matter) but they are necessary for a family to function smoothly. Chores provide parents with the opportunity to encourage, to teach and to work alongside and connect with their child. And believe it or not, chores CAN be fun! It is the HOW behind getting chores done that is the key to adding the fun in. Children as young as 18 months are old enough to start pitching in at home. Put a child in front of the kitchen sink, add some water, some soap and a dirty dish and watch what happens. Yes, you may have a wet soapy mess but there is no substitute to the joy and learning that can happen if you allow it to.
And guess what?! Drum roll please!
Children should not be paid an allowance for chores that impact the everyday functioning of the family. (It is ok to pay them for tasks that are over and beyond the call of duty such as cleaning YOUR bathroom, organizing the garage or weeding.) They should contribute to the household because they are functioning members of the family and teamwork is what keeps families growing stronger every day.
So what do they get if they aren’t getting paid?
When we do good things, we feel good which creates internal satisfaction increasing motivation for working hard and helping out. The ripple effects for this are widespread leading to higher academic achievement for instance along with an overall sense of self-satisfaction.
Where does allowance come in?
Allowance is used as a teaching tool for learning about money, responsibility and decision making skills.
One of my star clients who is a financial advisor recently wrote an article on how to cut expenses while keeping your marriage and your kids.
She articulates beautifully how she incorporates allowance with her children and the success she has seen. Check it out here for a detailed account of how she and her husband have incorporated allowance with her two boys.
What chores do your children do?
What do you do now for your children that they can and should be doing for themselves?
If you are ready to have less weight on your shoulders but would like a boost to get going, I am here for you.
Call me today at 404 432 1590 and begin creating magical moments with your family.